All quiet

On this misty Good Friday morning, as is the tradition, we cab to the Lim Chu Kang Chinese Cemetery at the end of the universe to hang around with Grandma for an hour.

It isn’t even eight but there is a small crowd at the cemetery already. There are Chinese families such as mine, working the public holiday to pay Qingming visits to our dead as faithful Christians commemorate their dead Jesus, and there are NSboys, working on a public holiday to keep us safe from terrorists, oh yeah. Off the block where Grandma lies, the boys in green have set up Checkpoint Cemetery, where they are examining every car in case Mas Selamat Kastari, who has been on the loose for more than three weeks, is trying to smuggle himself into a graveyard.

We watch as two of them go through someone’s boot. Umbrella-ella-ellas, check. Food for the dead, check. Flowers for the dead, check. Billion-dollar hell notes to be burned and sent by smoke to the dead, check. Nothing questionable unless they are Al Gore – concerned about the Qingming effect on global warming.

“Eh tell the NSmen leh,” goes Fei, “Good Friday, Chinese cemetery, Muslim terrorist: What are the odds?”

“You don’t read Gu Long meh?” I go, “the unlikeliest place is the likeliest place mah.”

To be honest I don’t read Gu Long myself. But if you have seen half a show based on his books you know he is about mystery men who mysteriously appear, disappear and reappear. So we are trooping up to Grandma’s block on full alert when what should we see but strange red spots on the back of her and her neighbours’ units. “Why are some tombs marked and not others?” goes Fei.

Yes, why? Some Muslims spring to mind – the 40 thieves! Ali Baba! – but the idea limps off quickly when I realise what is afoot. Aha. “The grass on the marked tombs is nice and the grass on the unmarked tombs isn’t. They are marking who has paid and who hasn’t.” (Yes, I should so be in Home Affairs.)

Talking of “them”, the maintenance men show up soon for their fee, $40 a year, and regale us with tales of 4D fanatics who visit the tombs with Taoist mediums after dark. Would-be lottery winners, we are told, run round the knolls, possessed by either ghosts or their own madness, in search of a lucky number.

These hills are alive with extremists after all, but not the type the NSboys are after.